A slice of a very bitter pie

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT ON THE SEX LIVES OF SUPER HEROES

2010-07-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

THE FLASH???

MY B

2010-07-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

K sorry for the delay. Works been pressin' like a dry cleaner. I promise to those who still visit that within the next 24 hours you will find hilarity in the classic form of comic. I PROMISE.

MONKEY!

2010-07-11T19:21:00.000-07:00

ADDING A LITTLE BIT OF RAINBOW TO YOUR DAY

2010-07-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

Ok so failed to deliver on the cartoons today. I totally thought I'd have time for it. Instead I changed up the format a little bit. Good? Pleasant to look at? Sexually stimulating?

Anyways, instead of drawing I'm going to post a bunch of videos about rainbows. There isn't a person alive that doesn't get happy from rainbows.

BLACK MOTH SUPER RAINBOW - ROLLERDISCO

I WISH NATURE GAVE ME A BONER LIKE THIS

SO VIVID SO INTENSE DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY

ONE SKIN TWO SKIN THREE SKIN FORESKIN

RAINBOW CONSPIRACY

Hope that'll hold you guys til I draw something.
Stay sexy everybody.

A LITTLE BIT OF KNOWLEDGE CAN LEAD TO SEXY RESULTS!!!

2010-07-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

HEADLINE OF THE DAY

So anyways I have been doing a lot of reading lately because I'm such a great grad student and all and I do my homework. Anyways I was skimming some scientific journals the other day and uncovered a GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERY!

Seriously?

So that right there is pretty much the golden ticket for every man married to a hypochondriac. My favourite part was "swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia".

MAN FTW!

YOU POOR BASTARDS...

2010-07-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

Alright. This is it. I'm going to try again. I'm going to try writing again. The skill level will be raw, no doubt. Hearts may be broken and clusters may be fucked but I'm going to try and make it work. I'm going to put a serious effort in this time. And not just the kind of serious effort you put in when you plant a new cherry tree because you want to reap the fruits of....well....fresh fruit.... in your backyard EVERY YEAR!

It's after a few days later that I discover that trees cannot grow when you plant them in clay. And I was a fool to try playing God.

BUT NOT THIS TIME! This (metaphorical) cherry tree will FLOURISH! And I will have bags of cherries!!!! And I will bake SO MANY MOTHERFUCKING CHERRY PIES even the likes of Eric Cartman can't handle it!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE PIE!!!!!!

common sayings

2009-04-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

I love using common sayings because if you're trying to win an argument and you know you're not making sense you just throw in a common saying and you're automatically right.

2009-04-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

People don't like being reminded of their jobs when they're enjoying their spare time. This leads me to believe that the next time you manage a hot date with a porn star, you might want to pass on ordering her the cod.

Just a thought

2009-04-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

Why are medicine bottles so hard to open? The only people who really need its contents are generally too weak to open the bottle by themselves. Taking into consideration the amount of strength a normal person has, the only one with enough energy and strength to open it is a young child.
I know yes it's done to protect the children but priority really needs to be given to the right bottle cap. Take my laundry bleach bottle for example. I'm throwing out more clothes from bleach stains than I am fighting viral infections.

lunch rush

2008-05-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Neurotic man meets wine conniosseur man.

2007-12-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

The anticipated return of neurotic man and slushie boy

2007-12-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

I'm McLovin' it.

2007-12-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

So I finished a demanding exam today and I thought what better way to celebrate than to poison myself with some greasy goodness.

So I got a 6-piece.

The only reason I'm writing something here is cause I found two things amusing while I was there. I was reading the receipt as I was eating because I didn't want to look like one of those guys who's really enjoying his meal even though I kinda was cause that stuff is a rare treat for me.
Anyways.
At the bottom the 2nd last sentence contained the word "McDonald's" and directly below it said their slogan "I'm lovin' it" and I thought:

"They should totally change their slogan to 'I'm McLovin' it'."

Think about it. They prefix their 'Mc' onto everything there. McNuggets. McFlurry. I bet you could look it up in the dictionary and it would be there.
(On a side note I couldn't find it at dictionary.com but fuck them it should be there)

So yeah they could totally pull it off without getting a lawsuit. That kid probably wouldn't hurt the advertisements.

Come on I would totally eat anywhere that has that on their cups. Anyways yeah. I'm McLovin' it.

And the other thing is I was sitting in front of the recycling bin facing it because it would prevent the possibility of making eye contact with anyone and I have, for the first time, sincerely appreciated the confusion of the average joe. Next time you're near a recycling area watch how long it takes for people to figure out which thing goes where:
"So is this plastic, or garbage? There's some metal stuff on the inside coating of it so I don't think it's plastic. But if I put it in the trash and it doesn't belong there I'm a NEGATIVE CONTRIBUTOR TO THE ENVIRONMENT! "

Watch if someone brings a date along with them: "You threw that in the GARBAGE?? That's GLASS! I could never see someone like you!"

And the garbage man must be tweaking out all the time trying to fix shit:
"FUCKERS! DON'T THEY KNOW WHAT POLYSTYRENE IS??!? GOD!"

Anyways yeah my mind was wandering. But only a little.

Fuck your mediocrity Wikipedia.

2007-02-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

I would like to point out that the term 'orgasms' is purple because I clicked on it to make sure it was the REAL DEAL. I can assure you it wasn't male curiosity.

But yeah I guess you could say this wikipedia post is rather PERVerse.

the uncontested awesomeness that is my talking

2006-10-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

oscar cahyono says:
go to sleep man
Peter says:
why doesnt your mom goto sleep
Peter says:
burn!
oscar cahyono says:
cos she doesnt have to, thats why
oscar cahyono says:
(kip)
oscar cahyono says:
"give this ting to ur girlfriend"
oscar cahyono says:
"no"
oscar cahyono says:
why not?
oscar cahyono says:
"because she doesnt need any thats whyy"
Peter says:
yea thats exactly it
oscar cahyono says:
alright
oscar cahyono says:
what are u doing
oscar cahyono says:
getting some free porn?
Peter says:
nah i dont have the lebido for that tonight
Peter says:
im doing zoo252
Peter says:
drinking beer
oscar cahyono says:
wtf
oscar cahyono says:
studying?
oscar cahyono says:
or just doing ur lab?
Peter says:
lab
oscar cahyono says:
lame
Peter says:
youre lame
oscar cahyono says:
NO U R
Peter says:
*crying*
oscar cahyono says:
while masturbating
oscar cahyono says:
thats right I said it
oscar cahyono says:
I took it to another level
Peter says:
you certainly did
oscar cahyono says:
yea I know
oscar cahyono says:
so when are u gonna go to sleep
Peter says:
whenever i feel like, GOD
oscar cahyono says:
u know what I dont get
oscar cahyono says:
that milk scene
oscar cahyono says:
whats the point of that
Peter says:
i have no idea
Peter says:
its just there
oscar cahyono says:
so pete
oscar cahyono says:
what do I say to that girl tomorrow
oscar cahyono says:
I'm bored , so just answer the question please
Peter says:
just be like why didnt you pick up
Peter says:
straight up
Peter says:
then pull out a gat and fuck some shit up
oscar cahyono says:
yea man I'm thinking of starting my every sentence with "bitch"
oscar cahyono says:
what do u think
Peter says:
'oscar honey, what would you like for breakfast?' 'bitch, make me some motherfuckin bacon'
oscar cahyono says:
haha
Peter says:
'can i take your order?' 'bitch, gimme a #3'
oscar cahyono says:
no I mean when I'm talking to her tomorrow
oscar cahyono says:
"good afternoon" "bitch u didnt answer mah call"
oscar cahyono says:
its gonna be cool
oscar cahyono says:
cos ladies do like bad boys, so like maybe she'll like me
Peter says:
or maybe youll get a five finger liking to the face
oscar cahyono says:
yea thats a goood idea
Peter says:
i think your moms a good idea
oscar cahyono says:
I think ur moms a bad idea
oscar cahyono says:
ooo
Peter says:
your face is a bad idea
oscar cahyono says:
ur moms face is abad idea
oscar cahyono says:
so pete
oscar cahyono says:
I'm sleeping
oscar cahyono says:
so
Peter says:
dont give me your jibber jabber
oscar cahyono says:
oscar cahyono sent you a handwritten message, but you cannot view handwritten messages with your version of Windows Live Messenger.
If you want to view handwriting in instant messages and add other new features, such as sharing backgrounds and display pictures, download the latest version of Windows Live Messenger from http://g.msn.com/5meen_us/122
Peter says:
yea thats right
oscar cahyono says:
ur mom gives me her jibber jabber
Peter says:
im ghetto
Peter says:
i dont have special features on msn
Peter says:
i use the old shit
oscar cahyono says:
ur mom has no special feature
Peter says:
so whatre you gonna do about it
Peter says:
your personality has no special features
Peter says:
if you were a dvd, you would be $0.99
oscar cahyono says:
oooo
oscar cahyono says:
if u were a dvd, u would be a vhs
Peter says:
that doesnt make any sense
oscar cahyono says:
U MAKE NO SENSE
Peter says:
your face doesnt make any sense
oscar cahyono says:
my face makes a lot of sense
Peter says:
to picasso
oscar cahyono says:
look at this guys msn name "dont wanna wake up alone anymore, still believing u'll walk through my door, all I need to know is for sure...."
oscar cahyono says:
laaammeeee
Peter says:
what a fagtard
oscar cahyono says:
he defintely is
Peter says:
emotional!
oscar cahyono says:
fag
oscar cahyono says:
alright man
oscar cahyono says:
I'm sleeping
oscar cahyono says:
u should to
Peter says:
yea prolly

2006-09-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

"I say if you got a dream, something you really enjoy doing, always stick with it because you never know when its gonna be God's will for you to be the best in the whole world at whatever it is you do in life".
-Ronnie Coleman

2006-08-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

how do they call 'travelling' in wheelchair basketball?

2006-07-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

2006-07-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

"I wanna take a shit but I'm too lazy"
-Oscar Cahyono

You seek leetle monkey.

2006-05-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

today i was walking in the rain and i said the most incredible metaphor for any type of relationship, be it friendly or intimate. if i ever write a book/short story this is for sure going in it, except worded...you know...better.

you know how when you're walking with someone in the rain and they have the umbrella, you have difficulty getting under it completely for the both of you. if you stay out, you get soaked, and if you try to get back in, the spokes from the sides poke and prod your face and dont let you in easily. but if you get in too close and the person moves, then the concave shape of the umbrella pulls you in with them and you lose balance momentarily. the only way for you both to truly stay dry is to stand still, rather than wandering.

peter, what are you talking about?

oh nothing. just admiring the summer rain.

OK!

2006-05-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

ok everyone. i hope someone reads this today or tomorrow

who wants to play hide and seek with a bunch of strangers. im serious. lets do it.

http://www.manhunt-toronto.com/

fuckin click that shit. i wanna go. i dont want to go alone in case its a bunch of burly nestrapers or if by manhunt they mean hunt you down and fuck you up. either or. i want people to come.

you know you want to!!!

This is me understimulated.

2006-05-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and counted three puddles of drool on my bedsheets.

Today I ate potato chips with a spoon.

Today I ate macaroni and cheese out of the pot during my sleep, as food is always ready bedside for slothsnacks.

Today I said I like to stir things up and give things a little bit of emeril every now and then and I thought I was so clever to say that but I heard crickets after.

Today I wondered if curved bananas envy the straight ones.

Today I went downstairs to get a pencil but ended up looking at fractal art and writing this instead.

Don't these people think?

2006-05-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

La poubelle

2006-05-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

I assure you I am not dead. But my old computer definitely is.

I found a moist towelette in my pocket when I was doing laundry and it said on the front "Winner's Moist Towelette". On the back it said "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water."
Right under this it says "CONTAINS: Water, fragrance & soap." Sense?

Contrary to popular belief, we learn that Winners obviously don't stay in school.

"They were on their way to a funeral"

2006-04-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

I always knew something was strange. I could never quite put my finger on it but I think I finally nailed it yesterday. Have you ever noticed that NOBODY on the British Secret Service has a british accent? I mean what the fuck. We're in the heart of London and James Bond sounds american. what the hell. even the old guys behind the desks who tell him all the info all have american accents. thats crap. it ruined the whole atmosphere of being a secret agent when i uncovered that secret of uncontinuity.

Phu-Yuck???

2006-04-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

this was the day that wouldnt end. i think my head is broken because of all the exams. making me all sad about life, which is bullshit. i hate people like that.

so fuck that. heres some paintloving goodness.

I am the triple integral of introvert from negative infinity to positive infinity

2006-04-26T13:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I tasted fresh air for the first time in weeks and I'd like to quote Thom Yorke in saying that I forgot the smell of the warm summer air, but it is a wednesday and it smelled more like garbage outside due to the collection.
unfortunately.

i sat for a while in the early afternoon today drinking whisky and wondering how to better my impression of Christopher Walken. so far all i sound like when i try to do it is chinese. "i have a feva, and the ony cure is mo cowbell" the impression is going nowhere fast and even faster now that im actually trying.

im in the midst of cooking up something fantastically awesome to say but all i can muster is cheese breath. perhaps i will draw a comic later.

If i ever have kids, I'm going to say "Yeah..well I fucked your mom." to win every argument.

2006-04-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

To those who wont leave me alone about it, heres another spontaneous comic.

Have a Break. Have a Peter.

2006-04-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

today i felt like spending all the money i earned this morning so i went to chapters and left with an orgy of books. i got the complete works of poe and the house of leaves, both which will keep me entertained for a good while. i got through the intro of house of leaves and passed out midpage to some classical music from my typical collection. it was not until i awoke (to the moonlight sonata no less) that i realized i had yet again experienced another delusion in the short period of time i had been incapacitated. it was this, among my other nightly bizarre experiences that made me decide that i need to write a book. not some pussy ass short story but a motherfucking novel. one as erratic as my train of thought that meanders along paths that never seem to converge. in order to do so however i decided that im going to write it in the 5 minutes each morning after i wake up when my mind is still in the framework of fear from the fantasies the previous evening in order to scatter details. eventually ill throw it all together and it may work or it may not. its worth a shot. pretty much im just gonna let my subconscious ride this one. maybe ill call it 'the posterboy of disfunction'. that could work.

God damn i love the mystery

2006-03-31T20:01:00.000-08:00

yea so this blog junk got over 30 hits in 2 days, which is weird cause ive got to have one of the more unpopular sites around this hip gangster town. it can only mean one thing and that is that i have a stalker. stalkers can be fun. or they can be creepy and take pictures of you when you're talking to your friends in everyday business and always follow you from a safe distance in the hallways of your previous high school but you graduated and now you're all cool. but thats beside the point. im running off on a tangent here.

ive been coughing a lot and it feels like im gonna vomit every time i do and if i do its like throwing away all that hard work over the past few weeks which is shit so im holding my ground and slugging back buckley's shots every hour. holy jesus fuck that stuff is vile. absinthe is easier to drink than that shit. i love it. it makes me a man everytime i take one back. im going to go get a full body physical in a couple days to find out all my little ticks and grinds. my doctor is an old guy and if i have a high lymphocyte count hes going to have to check my balls for cancer and i have a cold so chances are my count will be pretty high and i dont want a mans old wrinkly hands on my package. the only thing i can imagine being worse than that is the doctor doing that and then telling me i have cancer in my left nut. then if that was the case, id have to throw a huge party where i get ridiculously smashed and i show everyone my inflamed sac. the party will be called 'goodbye to lefty' in memory to the good times.

but im getting ahead of myself here

the fact of the matter is my balls are good and so is my blood and im nervous cause ive never gotten a full checkup. kinda like finding out who the guy in the bigbird outfit is. ruin the illusion of my health.

now what do you think about THAT stalker?

My cat just farted.

2006-03-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

What a bastard.

As you can see, I am Dizzle.

2006-03-27T19:22:00.000-08:00

ve thoscar cahyono says:
hey pete whats that job that ur talking about in ur blog
Peter says:
golf course
oscar cahyono says:
mental
Peter says:
yea man
Peter says:
im rock solid like that
oscar cahyono says:
pete rock
Peter says:
thats what my name means
Peter says:
peter = rock
oscar cahyono says:
never knew that
oscar cahyono says:
so pete rock wouldnt make sense
Peter says:
yeap
oscar cahyono says:
oscar means spear
oscar cahyono says:
I thought u should know that
Peter says:
tough guy
Peter says:
rock beats spear though
oscar cahyono says:
no mine is like a crazy spear
oscar cahyono says:
can beat rock
Peter says:
i dont believe youve ever played rock paper scissors
Peter says:
scissors and spear are the same
Peter says:
and rock always wins
oscar cahyono says:
I thought scissors beat rock?
Peter says:
i dont know if you knew that already
oscar cahyono says:
at least thats how I play it
Peter says:
no man, rock smacks the fuck upside the head of scissors
Peter says:
and then some
oscar cahyono says:
we have to fight I think then pete and prove me wrong
Peter says:
oh ill "rock your world" oscar
Peter says:
emphasizing rock
oscar cahyono says:
I'll britney spear u
oscar cahyono says:
that was lame
Peter says:
thats so gay
oscar cahyono says:
hahahaha it made me laugh tho
Peter says:
see? spears are gay
oscar cahyono says:
at least one of us laughed
Peter says:
no man, my sides are splitting
oscar cahyono says:
ok whatever u say mr. hawrysh
Peter says:
fuckin right
oscar cahyono says:
I gotta go drop someshit
oscar cahyono says:
so l8er alligator
Peter says:
yea, thats what thugs do
oscar cahyono says:
yea drop someshit = driveby
oscar cahyono says:
shooting
Peter says:
yea shit goes down when oscars in town
Peter says:
that rhymes by the way
oscar cahyono says:
yea man dont want it with me
Peter says:
im smart
oscar cahyono says:
yea very
Peter says:
brilliant even
oscar cahyono says:
dont push it
Peter says:
ill push it to the max baby
Peter says:
thats what rocks do
oscar cahyono says:
really, I thought rocks cant do anything , people pick it up and throw it somewhere
Peter says:
yeah, and we fuck up whatever we get thrown into
oscar cahyono says:
depends on the size really
Peter says:
and we're all like 'thats fuckin right...dont get in rocks way
oscar cahyono says:
u can say the same about spears
oscar cahyono says:
have u seen that movie, hero?
Peter says:
no, but it sounds pretty flamboyant
oscar cahyono says:
thats what jet li got for messing with spears
oscar cahyono says:
he got killed
Peter says:
aint nobody is the hero of me
oscar cahyono says:
by like 10000000 spears
Peter says:
yea it takes a million of those guys to take down one guy
oscar cahyono says:
30 years of kung fu shit
oscar cahyono says:
dont matter
Peter says:
i swear you throw a rock at that guy, hes gonna get FUCKED UP!
Peter says:
not a million
Peter says:
only one
oscar cahyono says:
dont believe you
oscar cahyono says:
u can only die if u shallowed a rock or something
Peter says:
k next time you see jet li, throw a rock at him and see what happened
Peter says:
he'll cry like a little nancy
oscar cahyono says:
I dont throw rocks, I smoke them
oscar cahyono says:
ok this is getting stupid
Peter says:
haha, thats great
oscar cahyono says:
I'm gonna go
oscar cahyono says:
crazy thug life boy
oscar cahyono says:
keep it real
oscar cahyono says:
ok?
Peter says:
boy?? im all man chump
oscar cahyono says:
yea but promise me to keep it real
Peter says:
oh you know i will
oscar cahyono says:
yea of course u will
Peter says:
racso - out
oscar cahyono says:
haha I'm not that homo ryan seacrest
Peter says:
yea what the fuck is his problem
Peter says:
celebrities need to grab a straw and suck it up
oscar cahyono says:
yea more than one
oscar cahyono says:
celebrities = cry babies
oscar cahyono says:
they dont know what its like on the streets
Peter says:
and i suppose youre gonna be the one to teach them
oscar cahyono says:
yea of course
oscar cahyono says:
gonna give them some lesson
Peter says:
toughen up those little girly pants
oscar cahyono says:
yea girly men
oscar cahyono says:
and whiny women
oscar cahyono says:
ok I'm gonna go fo real now, gangsta
Peter says:
yea sure you will
Peter says:
just like youve been going for real all these years
oscar cahyono says:
I'm not kidding, my boyz are waiting
Peter says:
then why the fuck are you still around
oscar cahyono says:
cos these people want me
Peter says:
cant get enough of oscar
oscar cahyono says:
dont hate the player pete, hate the game
Peter says:
i think we're both just saying random statements
Peter says:
like that had absolutely no application to this situation
oscar cahyono says:
hahah I know whatever we feell like saying
Peter says:
"you get capped, you get capped"
oscar cahyono says:
"u gota put up with the rain if u wanna see the rainbow"
Peter says:
"give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. teach a man to fish and you feed him for life"
oscar cahyono says:
haha ok this makes no sense at all
oscar cahyono says:
I'm gonna go now
Peter says:
you make no sense at all
oscar cahyono says:
peace
oscar cahyono says:
keep it real
Peter says:
i thought i said i was keepin it real like 10 minutes ago when you said you were going for sure
Peter says:
yet you continue to flounder
Peter says:
i think you gotta just logoff in one swift motion
Peter says:
like ripping off a bandaid
oscar cahyono says:
yea I guess I wasnt
oscar cahyono says:
but I promise I will from now on
oscar cahyono says:
no more fake shit
oscar cahyono says:
all real
oscar cahyono says:
yea I should
oscar cahyono says:
no I'll be away
Peter says:
just ......YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHMOTHERFUCKERRRRR.....and its done
oscar cahyono says:
hahaha wtf are u talking about
oscar cahyono says:
ok late
oscar cahyono says:
r
oscar cahyono says:
alligator
Peter says:
im talkin about ripping off those bandaids
oscar cahyono says:
ok yea
oscar cahyono says:
just stop talking man I wanna go
oscar cahyono says:
u and these ladies keep msging me
oscar cahyono says:
I mean come on I have to go on with my life
Peter says:
ive actually been trying to see how long i can keep you around to defeat your will power
Peter says:
so far ive been doing pretty well
oscar cahyono says:
ok later
Peter says:
rat fink.

"Your arms look like brains"

2006-03-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today some guy said i look like tom cruise and i snapped on him and was like 'what the fuck, thats a terrible thing to say. thats insulting. why would you say that about anyone?'

and his response was:

"i said you look like him, not act like him."

i was quiet after that.

So this must be what hell is like

2006-03-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

falling asleep at about 4;00 without any real sustanance, i awoke at about 7;30 today, and then again 15 minutes, and another 15 minutes later again. knowing of course my lack of sleep would prevent me from making any sort of motion, i took the precaution of setting three alarms for myself. for most of those 30 minutes, i sat in bed debating whether or not the morning would be better spent if i induced vomiting or ride it out like a true champion. i induced, of course, but to no avail. dry heaves still, however, can get the job done. grabbing a carton of lumpy yogurt and a dry donut, i made it my prerogative to be substantially late to my first impression at my summer job orientation. fortunately, the others were slugging down dark coffee and danishes faster than myself, so i could safely assume that i was in a comfortable environment. with an utter lack of consideration towards humanity and anything in relation, i was engulfed in a three hour discussion of the quality of my work and how to maintain it. i was unfortunately suffering from severe flatulence at the time, and made it my first priority to blame the odor on my surrounding peers. i took short careful bites out of my grape-flavoured danish, which was, by anyones standards, far too sweet for any person to consume. after a thorough discussion of safety and health issues, we formed strategy forming teams and wrote employment tests. lacking sensibility and morale, we made sure that we were not supposed to store flammable substances near oxidizing agents by asking surrounding groups. they all concurred. as time passed, my demand for food and sleep surpassed that of money in my wallet. i fiddled with my pen. i looked at my watch every minute to see if i travelled through a tear in the fabric of time. most importantly, i made inane chatter to my surrounding peers about working conditions and how i can exploit the free golf offered to me. the meeting ended, and i thought to myself 'i can sure go for a nice half hour ride on the porcelain bus to relieve any residual tensions from the previous night of inebriation'. i talked to my manager about meeting again, i went to my car, leisurely drove home while finishing my chunky yogurt, and came here to blog about it. after peeing and having my slave like meal of bread and water of course. i think im due for a nap.

Pimp smack yo' ass bitch!

2006-03-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

Ok well this is just residual spillover from the last post because i realized that ones gonna fuck up the format of everything unless i either change it (which i doubt ill muster the energy to do) or outpost it so it becomes old news (again, too much energy but ill take it one useless thought at a time). so im just gonna throw out a link for the juggernaut bitch for anyone who hasnt seen it, because it is the greatest thing to ever happen to humanity and i thank little for sending it. god damn i almost died from choking when i watched it. do not eat anything when you go there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QXUXQ8miHs

..god damn.

Easy peasy japanesey

2006-03-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

hey look who finally got unlazy to do something. or rather im even lazier and im using this to procrastinate and this is my last resort for not doing homework. yea.

yeah....

...shit.

well ok. i may as well put up some pictures that my sister took on her trip to tokyo. i think theyre pretty cool. kinda makes me want to goto japan but at the same time not really because looking at these pictures is kinda like being there so ill just have one of those total recall vacations where i think im there. but not really.

or something.

and yeah. these pictures are ridiculously huge and i dont feel like resizing 265 or however many there are. i only picked about 50 or so to show cause uploading that many takes some serious commitment and i just cant stay interested for that long. so deal with it!

Alright, I'll take the typewriter and the shotgun. Tyrell, you take the weird shit.

2006-02-26T17:12:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking about random crap from the past the other day and remember that time that we were at the video store and we went to rent something and jims like "i'll put it on my card" and when they swiped it the girl was like:
"sir it appears you have a number of late charges. you owe $2.50 on dragonball budokai for playstation 2 and $5.50 on sexual predator. she raised the volume of her voice when she said sexual predator so everyone could hear. i dont quite remember all too much after that, i was laughing pretty fucking hard and i had to leave the store.

seriously, who else was there? little was, right? was that the same day we watched evil dead and made all those jokes that are timeless on their own?

and honestly...who rents a dragonball z game and softcore porno both at the same time....and returns the videogame first.

Cupid should be castrated.

2006-02-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

Yes. todays the day. the most hated day of the year by myself and billions of others. yes, it is valentines day. the day when people walk around expressing their love. children feel the obligation to buy little paper squares with hearts on them due to the pressure of their classes. the day that men look at that overpriced bouqet of flowers and ask themselves "do i really love her this much?" and get a single flower instead. the day chocolate companies go to sleep on a giant pile of money, and otherwise hopeless people get to pressure their significant other into sex. yes, it is a magical time of year. and i couldnt possibly be any happier that i'm spending it at home and not at school or anywhere else. i have always felt a deep and dark hatred towards this day and im sure everyone else does too. but at the same time today brings me the glee of being exonerated from love and anything of the sort. bitter is better and it always has been. i will begin with:

A Brief History on Valentine's Day

- it is believed that emperor claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those who were married so he outlawed marriage for young men; the cream of his crop. saint valentine (a martyr for his actions) decided this was unjust and performed marriages for young men and their lovers in secret. Upon the discovery of his actions, he was put to death.

- the first 'valentine' was believed to be sent by the saint while he was in jail. it was addressed to a young girl whom he fell in love with before and was signed 'From your valentine'.

- the day feb. 14 is believed to be the day he was put to death. others say it was the beginning of the birds mating season is france and has been declared the holiday of love. others believe we celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. god only fuckin knows what that means. and yes, many boys along that day used sliced pieces of goat dipped in sacrificial blood to slap women. thats my kinda holiday.

- 80% of all valentines are purchased by women

- valentine's day is statistically the day on which most suicides occur over the course of the entire year.

- it is also called by many to be 'single discrimination day'. i am a firm believer in this.

and that just about does it for that. so i will close this now with some possible valentines for insensitive men who haven't any idea on how to get their point across.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

2006-02-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

its a little rash yes, but humour and i have been strangers for a while so it may take time for us to become aquainted again.

stupid blog is working again. its good to have things work.

I kill you scum.

2006-02-07T16:55:00.000-08:00

i hate blogs. this gay monkey loving garbage isnt doing what i want. having a blog is like drinking diet coke for life. or winning a car then finding out its a suzuki. no matter what you do, you get fucked. like being a cuban albino. or a gay french guy. pocket deuces. full of no misses and this is one of them. so no cartoons until this gayness passes.

They're coming to get you Barbara.

2006-02-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

They're horny. They've been dead for a long time. Look, there's one of them now.

Another good old fashioned horror quote.

I am forcing myself to write something but i have nothing to write about. for the past two nights ive been falling asleep before i even make it to bed. i passed out on my bedroom floor the other night watching raiders of the lost ark, waking up at 4 am wondering where the fuck AM i? am i DRUNK? but anyways, ive made it my decision, in accordance to being
1. batman
2. a zombie
3. an evil genius
ive decided to take it upon myself to add indiana jones to the list. quite possibly the coolest job ever. hes a prof and a treasure hunter. PLUS, hes harrison ford and we all envy his scruffybeard attitude that he has attained for himself. i mean, for myself.

how could i possibly make such a careless grammatical error?

lady, you need to be easy.

2006-02-02T17:42:00.000-08:00

today was the first day i was home at 8 pm this year. that is early. very early. my city is experiencing bad vibrations these days. people everywhere are always fighting or hitting their children or shooting people. the world these days is becoming less and less a place that id like to persist in and not because of the person i am but the people around me. why all the frustration? of course asking such a question will not change tomorrow or anyone else for that matter, for the 'people' i meet on a day to day basis are not people at all but just another part of the scenery. except for those abusive enough to get me to intrude on their lives, but those are not details for which im willing to disclose. people in general anger me. there are days in which im able to find beauty in how ugly the world really is but not as of late. the only place i feel mentally safe is the library because im alone there. today i smiled at a stranger and she smiled back and it made me have a postive reflection on the day. then i ran into a woman hitting her child and that made me wonder what is the world coming to? tolerating such behaviour is unacceptable and its that sort of thing that breeds men willing to do nothing but sell their soul to what others tell them to do. and that upsets me. its funny to see how two ends of the human spectrum can be so close together.

today i went to go buy tickets to the rocky horror picture show play at my school and every last show was sold out and that made me sad about life because i was really in the mood to see a bunch of transvestites dance around in clothing that leaves little to the imagination, wielding whips and anything that can be used to muffle voices.

i know the only person who reads this is steve little, so steve im sorry this is not a cartoon and a reflection on the nuisance of my life. so i apologize. it would have been better if it had no audience at all. i just need to get back into the habit of using this site. and i shall use my negativity to do so until then.

yes, im well aware that 90% of blogs out there are people complaining about their the oh so tragic woes and attempting to make an artistic piece of beauty out of the frustration of their lives, and i promise you that wont happen here. ive been down that road in papier form and all it results in is a compilation of memories id rather not have. and besides that, nobody likes having to feel the obsessive compulsive need to be driven to a computer only to be despressed further by the weights from another's shoulders. so i wont do that. but im sure every now and then ill let something "artistically tragic" slip and that is beyond my control. so hopefully ill think of something so deliciously evil to write about.

and that is that

p.s. i have decided not to spend another dime on anything besides commuting to save up for a cello. i will have all money directed towards my food budget to be put into a big jar. and then, come summertime, i will be the happiest man (again) to walk the earth.

or a sad man with a big jar full of money

a rolling stone collects no moss.

2006-01-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

thats right slutbags, im going to start leaving posts again. im tired of steve little telling me to stop doing my job and quite frankly im not going to stand here and take that! thats right steve. im going to stop doing this occasional doldrum shit post crap and at start doing what im best at.

finding flaws in everyday life and exploiting them.

however today is tuesday and we all know how little peter moves on or goes to school on such days. but mark my words, i will do something....something!!

or nothing, whichever results in the better ending.

so im going to now make it apparent that i attempted to make this blog good by posting a comic i made months ago that i did not post simply because i thought it sucked. and oh believe me. it does. harder and longer than the average senorita. trust me.

A scandal in bohemia

2006-01-17T08:22:00.000-08:00

well, its been like a month. i am beginning to loathe blogging. however im sure ill leave a mark every here and there since im never really too good at putting an end to any activity. not until its done anyways. well today is tuesday, i woke up at 11 am not exactly feeling like doing homework. so i came here to print out a story of sherlock holmes to read. i heart sherlock. he embodies everything of the introvert. i suppose ive always been able to relate to his antisocialism. i started reading and the first page was amusingly depressing. i had a small grin about its content due to its unmistakable timing. this is how it starts:

Arthur Conan Doyle

A Scandal in Bohemia
TO SHERLOCK HOLMES she is always the woman. I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name. In his eyes she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex. It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler. All emotions, and that one particularly, were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind. He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen, but as a lover he would have placed himself in a false position. He never spoke of the softer passions, save with a gibe and a sneer. They were admirable things for the observer–excellent for drawing the veil from men’s motives and actions. But for the trained reasoner to admit such intrusions into his own delicate and finely adjusted temperament was to introduce a distracting factor which might throw a doubt upon all his mental results. Grit in a sensitive instrument, or a crack in one of his own high-power lenses, would not be more disturbing than a strong emotion in a nature such as his. And yet there was but one woman to him, and that woman was the late Irene Adler, of dubious and questionable memory.
I had seen little of Holmes lately. My marriage had drifted us away from each other. My own complete happiness, and the home-centred interests which rise up around the man who first finds himself master of his own establishment, were sufficient to absorb all my attention, while Holmes, who loathed every form of society with his whole Bohemian soul, remained in our lodgings in Baker Street, buried among his old books, and alternating from week to week between cocaine and ambition, the drowsiness of the drug, and the fierce energy of his own keen nature. He was still, as ever, deeply attracted by the study of crime, and occupied his immense faculties and extraordinary powers of observation in following out those clues, and clearing up those mysteries which had been abandoned as hopeless by the official police. From time to time I heard some vague account of his doings: of his summons to Odessa in the case of the Trepoff murder, of his clearing up of the singular tragedy of the Atkinson brothers at Trincomalee, and finally of the mission which he had accomplished so delicately and successfully for the reigning family of Holland. Beyond these signs of his activity, however, which I merely shared with all the readers of the daily press, I knew little of my former friend and companion.

Embarrassment is the new death penalty.

2005-12-24T01:03:00.000-08:00

So yea. I think theyre trying to secretly turn death into embarrassment for the sake of censorship and the seeds of the future. think of the rougies on this one. Next time you watch any movie or play any videogame, they'll say "i was very embarrassed" instead of saying "i almost burned to death" or "i got the living fuck beaten out of my ass". they should accept how they deserve a hardcore glassing and theres no two ways about it. they're about as helpless as tom thumb in a condom factory and theres nothing they can do about it. seriously, next movie you watch, watch for the usage of the word "embarassed". I swear to you it'll be one big horsecock after another.

the moose

2005-12-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

me and steve were bored so we had a moose drawing contest on paint

whos is better?

Bitter is better.

2005-12-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

So yea. i just finished school and i somehow feel very depressed about it all and i feel the desire to make myself feel better by making whoever is reading this very very bitter. So i thought for once, why dont i write something for a change? but yea, so bitter, it boggles the mind. its spins the world SO fast that even larry david would say its depressing. no indian person would even think about eating it. thats how bitter we're talking here (or is that spicy. fuck i need to get my act together)

but unfortunately i kind of dont really feel like doing that anymore because at this point i buttered myself up too much and we all know a boy like me is incapable of doing something terrible unless there is alcohol involved alongside a hammer in each hand (oh man that would be so fucking fun) Oh yea, i think we'd all know what that would be like:

The sound of a cat vomiting.

2005-12-17T19:43:00.000-08:00

I hope you brought your spoon, cause I brought my sexy.

2005-12-02T15:20:00.000-08:00

A day in the life of a tuna fish sandwich.

2005-11-25T23:26:00.000-08:00

To those who complained...

2005-11-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

Does the new background suffice? its easier to read now. this is something like what i originally wanted. so whadya think?

When old english meets old school...

2005-11-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

yeah.....

The adventures of the overdressed penguin.

2005-11-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

and so on.

La renard

2005-11-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

I am feeling brief tonight so I'm gonna just do a quick bleug. So yea, I was at school today standing in line for food, and the tiny incapable of doing anything except doing well in school kinda girl in front of me had a large button on her bag that said "I (HEART) THE METRIC SYSTEM!" And the heart was super huge and red and shiny.

Honestly, I felt like doing some serious vandilism after seeing that.

This is totally uncreative but whatever.

2005-11-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

i just have to post this cause this guy always gets the funniest shit happening to him.

racso says:
whens ur bio due
Peter says:
tuesday
Peter says:
and i have class all dya tomorrow so i gotta finish today
Peter says:
its still early though, only 420
racso says:
yea
racso says:
yo man
racso says:
I took out a book from the library today
racso says:
and I found a picture of a guy sucking another guy's dick
racso says:
so gay
racso says:
should I say somethign to the library?
racso says:
like the picture is actually printed
racso says:
not drawn or anything
Peter says:
hahaha
Peter says:
thats fuckin hilarious
Peter says:
im actually laughing
racso says:
its about WTO protest
racso says:
I'm not kidding, I'll show u the book
racso says:
should I say something to the library?
Peter says:
yea man
Peter says:
they might think you're gay but whatever
Peter says:
wto protest?
racso says:
yea
racso says:
some people dont like WTO
Peter says:
WTO stands for?
racso says:
world trade organization
Peter says:
ah
Peter says:
haha
racso says:
yea pretty fucked up
Peter says:
haha fuck man thats hilarious
Peter says:
is it like a huge picture too?
Peter says:
what was your reaction when you found it
racso says:
small picture
racso says:
I was like wtf
racso says:
I thought it was somethign else
racso says:
then like I realized that it was a dick
Peter says:
a new kind of peace treaty or something
racso says:
I dont know
racso says:
its disturbing
Peter says:
so burn it and do a voodoo dance or something
racso says:
haha I will man
Peter says:
that guy'll get genital herpes and we'l all live happily ever after
racso says:
its so like gross
racso says:
seriously
racso says:
[napoleon] GROSSS [napoleon]
Peter says:
alright ill take your word for it, you were probably looking at it for hours, studying it
racso says:
no I dont swing that way
Peter says:
yea i should hope the chains from the swing are a little rusty in that direction
racso says:
good one pete
Peter says:
yea
Peter says:
im a thug
racso says:
u know I can sue the library
Peter says:
do it, make millions
Peter says:
become a true thug
racso says:
yea then quit school
Peter says:
hated by u of t forever
racso says:
sniff coke all day
racso says:
and watch scarface 50 times a day
Peter says:
yea thats ghetto oscar
Peter says:
i dont even think its possibly to watch it that much a day
Peter says:
have a couple tvs going at once
racso says:
I think it is possible
racso says:
if ur a true thug
Peter says:
lol yea sure buddy
racso says:
and have like mad bitches around you
Peter says:
ok big guy
racso says:
yes

Brown by mistake.

2005-11-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

Alright, so yea, haven't been feeling the blog life lately. I guess I'm "petering out" of it, if I'm allowed to use my own name to describe the slow and steady decent of the BLEUG. Not to say that blogging is a lost art. Everyone else is holing on strong, and dan the freshman has been added to the pile, so you should check him out (by the way i know the only people who come on here are Natalie and Dan and possibly steve and you all know Dan so i guess I wasted time by typing that) Also, I just don't know what to write about this time so I'm gonna wing it:

wait no, I'm gonna stop that one before it gets out of hand which is more than likely. Alright lets try that again

My front porch is a slaughterhouse.

2005-10-30T19:33:00.000-08:00

Alright so pumpkins are up. I tried to do two but one fell apart so thats fucked but the other is cool. The first one I wanted to look like the tentacle guy as shown:

But yea, I kinda got drunk that night and when I went to finish the tentacles the next morning they were all soft and impossible to work with. So he ended up looking like:

Which isn't bad considering the circumstances. The face turned out alright. The rest fell to shit.

So the second one I had to do in one sitting which took a couple hours and I had Natalie tell me what to do on this one. So she picked Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. So here's the picture she gave me:

And here's how it turned out:

And there you all go (I told you I could do it Natalie, you had your doubts). Have a sweet halloween everyone. Get drunk and eat candy.

Flush twice. The kitchen is a long way down.

2005-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

It has only recently occured to me that my cat is using me for kitty treats.

A horse is a horse of course of course.

2005-10-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream where a zombie plague broke out and me and dan and jim became zombies and the only way to stay alive was to keep a disembodied shrunken clown head alive. This clown head told us what to do to stay alive. So we were leaving my house and we were all pale like but we were zombies who could talk so you didn't know we were zombies unless you looked up close at us. Anyways, the head was getting pale and blue and I told the guys "fuck man, you gotta keep that shit on ICE or else its gonna fuckin die on us". As I said this, we were walking by an old couple, the man looking at us queerly unsure if we were zombies. It was at this point when I realized "Holy fuck, I'm undead. I should be feeding on the living!" So as the guy turned around I began stumbling in his direction and I went to take a bite out of his neck. He pulled out some mini revolver from nowhere and then I bit off his arm so he couldnt use it and then proceeded to feast on his neck. It was at this point that dan met the same realization and began to chase after the woman. The dream ended here of course. Things always end when theyre getting interesting.

Why am I so tired at only 10:45pm?

2005-10-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I haven't been keeping up with myself on this site. I figured I should leave some sort of mark on it cause it occured to me that my last post makes me look like im giving up from the bleug. And that is just not true, I've got a bit of fight still left in me. I'm just saying this site makes me think like a dumbfucker/walking hard-on/rodeo clown.

But yea. Life goes on I suppose. I can safely say that I am extremely tired and I cannot think all to well right now and I am moderately hungry. If I am going to draw some nonsensical shitar, it will be now. So lets see what I can do:

Yam.

2005-10-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

I think my creative genius is withering away on this bleug.

Sometimes when the mind wanders, it steps into a bad neighbourhood and goes to stripclubs while drinking Colt 45.

2005-10-16T12:19:00.000-07:00

Something to tickle your curious bone.

2005-10-15T21:13:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already died laughing, then maybe you aren't cool like all the other dead people around here.

2005-10-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

So ok. There's a sinking boat right? And the only survivors are a physicist, a chemist, and a mathematician. So they take their life boat to a deserted island and they haul off a huge box full of food that was in the boat. So these three guys get together and say "We're experts in our fields. We should pool our thoughts together to try and open the box."

So the physicist steps up, draws out his little vector diagram and height and weight and mass calculations and finds a rock that would create the greatest force by throwing it vertically and letting the force of gravity break it through the box. He tries this many times and it doesn't work. So he walks off to find something else that might.

The chemist steps up with these different plants he found, and tries mixing them together to try and create an acid to burn through the box. Unfortunately, this doesn't work either. So he walks off to try and find something else.

By the time the physicist and chemist come back to try something else, they find the mathematician eating all the food. So they ask him "How did you open the box?"

And he responds:

"I just assumed it was open."

..heh heh..i slay me.

Math jokes are only funny if you have no sense of humour.

2005-10-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

So there's a polynomial party right? Ok, so all the x squareds and the x cubes are dancing around, having a good time. Y is funnelling a few beers. Theta is smoking pot. And Phi is totally down with all the ladies. But e^x (e to the x) is sitting all alone in the corner by himself doing nothing. So d/dx comes over to e^x and says to him "Hey dude, why're you just sitting here all alone? Why don't you come over here and differentiate with the rest of us?"

And e^x responds:

"Why bother?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What? You don't get it? How can you not get it? It's hilarious!

Oh god no, I can only do vector calculus drunk.

2005-10-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have arrived at the horrifying revelation that I can only do problems from my vector calculus course when I've chugged a couple beers. This isn't good because it will give me the idea that I should walk into the midterm with a moosehead in each hand, and that is wrong wrong wrong. Almost as wrong as walking in with a beer in each hand (it occured to me that I set myself up for a perfect pun so I took it and laughed. Laughed all the way until the cows came home.)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Pretend this bracket is a cow.) It should now be home.

Uhm. Yea.

So I've decided that since I have absolutely nothing to write in this blog, I'm gonna start leaving a notepad beside my bed again and write down my dreams because we all know how amusing those can be. Its the most fun when you dream in cartoon form, and you are Spongebob and all your friends are Squidward and you finally realize why he's bitter all the time.

Then of course you wake up at this point with a tentpole and try to take a whizz and you forget all about it. But not me. I have the power of PAPER on my side. PAPER, one of my many ways of permanently recording your ideas. Unless of course you live with a person who eats a lot and leaves food around all the time and wakes up frequently in the night and knocks gravy over on myself and all my homework.

Fuck it's going to be hell studying for that one...

The curse of Rosie O'Donnell's thighs

2005-10-08T14:59:00.000-07:00

Quite terrifying.

And yea I just came onto my site like I do with every other expecting new stuff and all and I was disappointed to see the old entry from weeks ago. but then I realized, shit, I'M the one who updates this cornhole backstreet whorehouse of a BLEUG! So I'm gonna do what I can to stay with it. You know. Dance all funky like with the shimmery shiny clothes and the big collars. Yea I'm down with that. So here's a couple pictures of my zombie self from that day oh so long ago when I was partying down, then later pulled over by the cops in full zombie attire (man I wish I took a picture of their expressions. how I wasn't jailed I'll never know)

However I had to rip the meaty bone out of its socket since it was smelling and nobody liked me. I am like a sponge. I rip it off and it grows right back.

and for all you baby-eating freakjobs out there, here's a nice closeup. (look at the strewn meaty pieces look!!)

Which reminds me that halloween is coming up. There shouldn't be a holiday that lets children go door to door in my neighbourhood. Because my collection is running low and all. You know. Well I doubt you do, but I assure you it's real horrorshow.

And with that, I'm gonna have to bury myself back in the thinly sliced remains of a brutally murdered tree. May all the lost oaks rest in peace.

I am justified in believing your true justified belief only if you have a reliable method that is justifiable and results in a true justified belief.

2005-09-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

And so on. Uhm. yea. so i was told to update. im going to stop using capitals and apostrophes because they are lesbian lovers who do not like to associate themselves with all the other manly letters.

i think ive typed and erased about 10 or 15 entries in this spot and nothing will just work cause it all sounds like something stupid that i wouldve said like a month ago.

how passe of me.

uhm. yea.

so im going to go sleep on the toilet or something. uhm. yea. ill think of something to write. this is almost as not funny as seeing snakes in your backyard for a week then being paranoid of snakes then driving and thinking you hear snakes under you seat and freaking out and looking for them then looking up and rear ending the guy in front of you and finding out there were no snakes after all. yea almost as not funny as that.

not that i did that or anything

Ok, seriously, be honest.

2005-09-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever done this before? Don't lie. Cause this was me like 5 minutes ago and I realized what a social faux pas it really is.

Especially if you leave the door open.

Run!!! BEES!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

So yea, i haven't really updated that much, in fact not at all for a good week and a bit now. I think i'm probably gonna slow it down to like once every week or two weeks, school is roughness. however, my comics are now proudly in print by the toike oike, uoft's proudly obscene school newspaper. if you goto the school, pick one up. if not, i'll be posting a scan of it monthly as they come.
and with that, im going to go bury my face in a book until next week when i will be partying down due to my reaching of 19. come with. we will all drink and not remember anything except how drunken it was. it will be great.

Whoa, three comics in one day, whats gotten into me?

2005-09-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

007 doing his routine STD checkup

We have a forecast of immaturity with a chance of stupid.

2005-09-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that no matter how hard you scrub, the smell of manure never goes away?

2005-09-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

Warning: Smelly humor ahead. Handle at own risk.

And from that moment on, Billy never worried about his liver problem again.

The alternate ending.

2005-09-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

The boy scouts stood anxiously. They knew that the ghostbusters were way out of their league this time and that the fate of the city rested on their shoulders. All they could do now was remember what the club leader had taught them and hope for the best.

What REALLY happened to the easter bunny:

2005-09-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Next time: What really happened to Santa Claus:

I wonder what would happen if...

2005-09-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

Soon, vampires walked the earth. And also bacon. That walked the earth too. But sort of in a more awkward fashion since it doesnt have working muscles or ligaments, just crispyness. It was then deemed the "crisp walk" and everyone lived happily ever after.

END!

Je ne sais pas les oiseaux!!!

2005-08-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

Click the link below to have music accompany this next piece. It is absolutely necessary you listen while you look. Take about 10 seconds for each frame so the music corresponds with it.

http://www.freewebtown.com/Peterhawrysh1/gallery/108066/aud-135510.mp3

The sex appeal peel.

2005-08-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

END!

The reason why the Gettysburg address was not delivered by a piece of bacon:

2005-08-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

END!

Me? I'm from a little town called none-of-your-goddamn-business.

2005-08-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

I've never been. You know. That place that lets the animals run around in the parking lot. The curious giraffe sticking his nose in your window. The playful monkey leaving a pile of fecal matter on your front hood. I always wondered what it would be like to go there...

END!

HAPPY OBJECTIVE OF THE DAY! :) ! :) !! Save a tree, eat a beaver. ....heh heh.

Am I out of my element or is the jack of clubs looking more like Nicholas Cage every day?

2005-08-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Honestly, take a nice long hard gander at that and for sure you'll see what I mean. Mind you, you could see dead cats and whores if you looked at anything long enough.

I think I have singlehandedly discovered what the most horrifying thing is. I was walking down yonge street the other day, and as you toronto citizens know, it attracts a unique crowd, what with the strip club mile and all. Or maybe its longer than a mile, I'm not sure. Anyways, there I was, walking north amongst a busy crowd and running towards us is a blind man dressed like a cowboy. Swinging his blind stick around. Honestly, I didn't know whether I should've taken the hit from the stick, or try to dive out of the way and risk being ran through. I sort of did both and in a rather ungraceful manner, I managed to dodge the blindsighted barrage of a strip club cowboy. It made me think how shitty it must be to be blind. Think about it, you couldn't be late for anything. How could you compensate? You couldn't drive anywhere. You couldn't run cause you can't see where you're going. You are fucked is what you are. They probably have every second of the day planned out.

To be perfectly honest though, I don't think half the people out there are blind. Who wouldn't want to walk around with dark glasses, beating the first person you see?

I think the only people who don't want to do it are the blind people, ironically the ones fitting those characteristics.

Shut the fuck up Donnie. You're out of your element.

2005-08-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

Well I asked my sister to give me something to write about and she said "ferrets in top hats and bow ties". Quite frankly, that just will not fly. So I'm here to talk about matters more important.

Oh yes. Thats right. I dug out my old edition of this baby and put her to work. But seriously, its a little too horror cliche. A bunch of zombies, vampires, werewolves, chainsaw wielding maniacs, martians, etc. being chased down by a kid with wayne static hair and x-ray glasses and a chick with big knockers. It doesnt possibly get more horror movie cliche than that. Unless of course they were attacked during a drug binge, and/or teenage orgy in an abandoned cottage in the haunted woods and/or skinny dipping in any body of water with the name ending in the word "lagoon", and/or visiting the recently deceased in a graveyard. The list goes on. So here is my explanation why the world will one day be overrun by ferrets in top hats and bow ties.

So. We all know about the great attempts by man to learn more about the universe. So the latest mission is to shoot some sort of projectile to match the speed and coordinates of a comet, in order to take a picture of it to learn more. Or maybe its to shoot something at the comet to crack it in half and photograph the insides, I don't know details. Well once scientists accomplish this (cause we all know they will. Go physics.) they will develop the film to find out that the only thing that they took a picture of was a big white ball showing no detail. Being extremely frustrated by this, a great scientist by the name of Dr. Van Tongue will attempt to capture a comet, in mid flight mind you, to make up for the loss of his accomplices. Unknowingly to him, as he attempted to contain it, it BROKE LOOSE and ROCKETED TOWARDS THE EARTH. Jettisoning itself down the deepest volcano on the planet, it strikes a hot surface somewhere deep within the Earth's crust. All volcanos and springs will erupt with the contents of this comet, which will one day be known as "Solution Z". Humans alike will all breathe it in and become as we today call zombies. However, in the distant future, they will be known as the living impaired. They will feast upon the flesh of others. Those others, in an attempt to stop them, will nuke the Earth, attempting to destroy each and every impaired life. However, in this attempt, they will destroy all forms of life on the surface of the planet. Through the smoke and wreckage that was once our homes, small burrowing animals will emerge from the ground. These animals were once known as ferrets. They will start as an inferior race, but will eventually learn to walk erect, and dress with dignity. Some may even adopt personality. And when the dust settles........

........There will only be the ferrets.

(Honest to god, there's a whole fuckin' online store selling ferret junk. Go back in like a week, I guarantee they will be out of business. They will bury their merchandise deep within the Earth's crust, where the ferrets will one day have their last laugh.)

Another thing I dont understand.

2005-07-31T01:18:00.000-07:00

I bought a used suit today, it was a pretty nice one too, probably expensive when first made, and im sure you all know my frame, medium. So i get home and try it on and the jacket was perfect, and im not a huge guy or anything so it was a trim jacket. so i go to put on the pants, and they were about a size 36. so what the fuck? it was seriously too huge, you know normally when you have pants too big, they catch on your hips or something, these ones just completely plummeted when i let go. i kinda just wanted to goto the guy who last had it. "listen buddy, if you're trying to look good i think you're investing your money in the wrong place. you could always get a nice treadmill for the same price." at least i can rest assured he didnt spend it on chocolate or anything.

Things that have always struck me as obscure.

2005-07-31T01:07:00.000-07:00

1: people lining up at the airport. honest to fuck what the hell. i sit in the terminal waiting for my plane and they said over the intercom our plane is coming in an hour, so people start to line up. for fucks sake why? calm the fuck down, its not like you're gonna get a better seat. its all arranged out, like what are they gonna say when i come up last? "ok your seat is 34a....ssssssssss uhhhhmmmm yeaaaa uhm, yea some other guy got there before you, uhmmmmmmmm yea uh i think we can offer you a seat in cargo". so what, is it the same fuckin deal with stewardesses then? "OH, cindy, uhhmmmmmm yea i know you were assigned to first class but uhmm, yea frank kinda got here first. but you could always work in coach. we NEVER have anybody walking around back there."

A 1000 thanks to over a 1000 people.

2005-07-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

So my site counter finally passed the thousand mark.

Really makes me wonder what you people see in this stuff. (Well, actually I know its just Natalie/Steve/Oscar who come to this site but thanks for visiting more than once a day!)

And with that, here is another adventure of neurotic man and slushie boy.

END!

HAPPY OBJECTIVE OF THE DAY :) :) : Pick a bouqet of wildflowers and give them to someone special!!

That is the most ghetto extension cord I have ever seen!

2005-07-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

END!

There you have it kids, until next time, be a good little boy and/or girl

HAPPY OBJECTIVE OF THE DAY :):) : Try being nice to a homeless person!

Build me up, nutter-cup.

2005-07-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

END!

*don't drink rum kids, it's bad for your mind and soul)

And for fucks sake people, leave some damn comments so I know this shit gets read. You can't even begin to imagine the tyranny and hateful aggression

2005-07-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

that I am planning against you people for not leaving a freakin' comment. Just watch me plot. But for the sake of homeless dudes drinking gasoline, leave me a fuckin' post-it note or something to let me know someone reads this shit.

Thank you honey bunny. :)

Oh yeah...blogging.

2005-07-06T22:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I totally forgot about this thing. Fortunately enough, I've been getting back into the habit of doing stuff again, such as dreaming about zombie infiltrations and wondering if someone allergic to peanuts could die from a peanut shell wrapped cigar. Or if God had wings would he soar or try to fly higher? I swear to fuck thats the kind of stuff I dream about these days.

It's fun.

Well there's a number of projects I'm currently working on. Perhaps if I finish any of them, I may post them. They include:
+) barrel the doll
+) the solar ray of doom
+) writing a book about the seven sins, and..well...zombies. but it'll be interesting, i swear.

and so forth. I may make a lot of smoke/stinkbombs and explosives too if I really run out of things to do before the end of the summer so you never know.

By the way, my apologies on the rapid decline of quality from my site. I keep forgetting about it and I never really wanna write stuff. Nobody ever reads it anyways, with the exception of the random passerbyer so to that random passerbyer, I say don't lose faith yet! So, in response to this, I'll make another one of those cartoons that I do in a rushed sort of manner.

But not right now, maybe tomorrow.

You can't make a moron soup without vegetables.

2005-06-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

Yesir if stupidity could take the form of matter, I would've drowned by now. Being trapped in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of nimrods is how serial killers are born. I believe thats how the shining started. But whatever. Land of the dead came out recently and my zombie personality is needing a short fix. If anyone has seen it, put your commentary here. And yea, I don't really feel like writing much right now so I'm gonna just go dance with my cat for a while or something until something happens. My blogging spirit has much so declined.

Feeding instructions: Feed as a snack. (No thanks, I will pass on the steak.)

2005-06-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

So I decided to delete the last thing cause it just plain sucked. But anyways, this weekend I'll have to be going to my cottage with my relatives (see picture above for my reaction). The problem is however, it isn't with the relatives who know what they're doing. No sir, it's with my mom and her sister and that could prove to be disasterous. Although there's one reason why I'm reeeeaaalllllyy looking forward to it.

The septic tank is fucked.

So pretty much, in an effort to impress her sister, my mom is going to be swimming in shit this whole weekend. Literally. Fortunately enough for me, I have no shame in crapping in a hole in the forest, and I can pee standing up. So I'll be cool in the excrement category. For food, my mom can't cook either so I'm gonna have to carry the team on that one as well. But I'm just waiting for her to say "What are you talking about!?!? I can COOK! Watch! I'll make everyone an incredible steak dinner." I'm just waiting for her to try buying the right kind of meat cause she never goes shopping. I'm just waiting for her to undercook it and I am definitely just waiting for everyone to get intestinal problems without a working toilet. Rather impatiently too, I might add. This weekend would be hell for any normal person, but a great time for evil little boys like me.

Well, there's all that and I get to golf and work on my doll. He really is coming along. I will post a picture once he's done which will probably be next week.

2005-06-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

matt damon

Edward.

2005-06-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

Alright. Let me start by saying if you plan on drinking more than you normally would, do not do so in a suit. Having said that, let me continue with the story.

So there was a party. Not just any ordinary party. But a fancy 40 party. Breaking that down for you, we have:

fancy: adj. One who is fancy. By so, meaning in fancy attire.
Ex. You are one fancy fellow Mr. Peter.

40: n. A bottle, usually containing alcohol, which is 40 oz. (or 1.14 L for the simpletons).
Ex. I think you should drink another 40.

So that's what I was up against. And with my personality and themed party's, I go hard or I don't go at all. So I needed a kickass suit. I decided to wear my blue pinstripe suit, my white pinstripe shirt underneath, a black tie, and diamond studded cufflinks.

Oh, and my green converse shoes just to show that I was fuckin' serious.

So I go looking for this guy's house, and I go way too south, then north, then farther south, then north, then to the wrong building, then i got trapped in the elevator, but sure enough after a long enough adventure, I found the place. I get in, I take my two 40s, and I decide to play Edward Fortyhands. Thus resulting in me duct taping a bottle to each hand and going the night as so. However, right away I only had enough tape for one hand so I just carried the other until I had more tape. Now, I really didn't think that one through. I needed access to my zipper a number of times over the course of the night. And I had two fingers available to do so. Let me just say that it wasn't easy and I felt like one of those crippled old men in the bathroom for so damn long you begin to think that they're doing something in there besides crapping such as backgammon or changing into a superhero costume and fighting crime for about an hour and returning to the window and having to change but leaving the bathroom looking exhausted because they were fighting so much crime but you just think its cause he's an old guy who uses all his energy crapping.

Anyways

I had a difficult time there. And I hadn't eaten all day so I had some cereal in a measuring cup that I ate throughout the night. The frosted mini wheats were easy and I had no trouble with those. But once I was really drunk and was hungry and tried pouring rice krispies into my mouth but I didn't have hands, just bottles for hands. So as I lifted it to my mouth and turned it to pour into my mouth, I also turned the bottle, pouring Old English brew all over my head and suit. My hair was quite soaked afterwards. I also ended up doing pullups for some reason at one point, quite drunk and without hands. I dunno how I did it, I shouldn't have been able to do one under the circumstances. I was a fool to even think I could do it with one hand..err..bottle.

As for the commute home, well there's nothing to say there other than puking in my shoe and hitting my face on the bus door as I exited. Until next time, same neurotic time, same neurotic channel.

Chuck.

2005-06-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

After going to a book signing thing of Chuck Palahniuk, I've been reinspired to write again. I haven't done so for a couple months now cause of a slump in my life and all the dying bloggers (except for Natalie, who has given birth to a new site, check the links). So I'm gonna start writing stuff again, cause those old stories about el babylon and whatnot were fun.

And as for Chuck, he didn't start writing till he was 31 I believe. So everyone goes up and down.

Neurotic man and the miracle of discovery.

2005-06-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't written anything for a while. Perhaps it is the progressive death of the legend of the bitter pie. Slice, that is. Probably not. So with that, I bring another adventure of neurotic man.

END!

Whore Island was a sausagefest!

2005-06-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

What would you expect? A bunch of banners saying how many easy women there are there, you wouldn't for a second see one saying how many guys there are at the island. Yesiree, it was one good old fashioned Oktoberfest. But seriously though, cuba was alright but it was all old people and 12 year olds getting drunk off two beers. The occasional girl here and there but they were few and far between. It was good quiet time and I got a nice tan so I couldn't ask for more. Plus it was all inclusive so I drank a lot of liquor. There was actually a point where the bartender didn't want to give me anymore cause I drank way too much, despite the fact it was an all inclusive resort. The Cubans obviously don't see too many Canadians at the bar.

What better way to celebrate my return to Canada than a 15 hour sleep.

Winnie the Pooh shot JFK.

2005-05-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.freewebtown.com/Peterhawrysh1/gallery/108066/aud-109941.mp3
(Open it in a new window)

So there's a little taste of me this morning. (By the way, I'm well aware it's 2 o'clock. My sleeping pattern are fucked up again) Anyhow, last night the dream was that I was with my sister and for some reason we were visiting natalie in a haunted house cause thats where she lived and my sister gave me a pack of red playing cards and said whatever you do, don't lose these. So I clipped them to my belt and made sure I didn't. When I went into the house, for some reason I started drinking a lot of absinthe and freaking out and thinking the drapes from the windows were bats trying to attack me so I was all fucked, and then one of those house of the dead game thingys you see at playdium appeared out of nowhere and we all started to shoot up the zombies. Then there was another part where I was george costanza from seinfeld but I don't exactly remember too much of what I was doing there, so I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll have to start taking memos in my sleep.

Does anyone know how to...

2005-05-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

...post music on this site? I'm gonna have a song to accompany every entry cause the newly deceased bloggers are bringing me down and I need something more to the site to keep me content with blogging. Not to say that I'm quitting or anything, heavens no. On that note, don't think I stopped over the next week or so cause I'm going on vacation to whore island (http://immoderation.com/2005/05/whore-island-just-like-fiji-only.html) and I'm going to have a bang up time (pun action right there).

So yea, just so the point of this entry isn't forgotten; music, site, how?

A fool and her money are soon parted.

2005-05-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

How come the cereal companies don't put the prize inside of the cereal anymore? I thought the whole point of the prize was being a PRIZE! Not just for opening the fuckin' box and hey look, its a watch with a picture of the lion from Madagascar that MOVES!!! I remember back when I was knee height, I would secretly dig for the prizes while dad wasn't looking. I'd get a huge bowl and fill it with Count Chocula or Frosted Flakes and steal the prize, and fill the box up again and let it sit for a year or so till it goes stale. Mind you I was also the kid who filled his pockets with mashed potatoes when his father wasn't looking because his father wouldn't let him leave the table until his plate was spotless. So I wouldn't exactly take anything that I do to be a typical little kid stereotype, unless everyone else put cauliflower in their socks. (Fuck this is one funky watch!) The problem with the now though is that as I'm typing this, my Nesquik cereal in chocolate milk is getting soggy. So I will have to continue this some other time.

Toodles.

Traffic will wait for me if I want it to.

2005-05-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I had to wake up early today to beat the friends to a bar for a job because I've lowered myself to the level of desperation where its job or bust right now. So I'm driving really slowly in my uninsured car that has about 340,000 km on it and is ready to lose all 4 wheels. I'm waiting at stop lights not bothering to creep up any further for people to turn right as a tease. And I make it to my bar, and I find the guy I was looking for, who I was expecting to be some sketched out short thin white guy, but turns out to be some tall foreign character (Mo = Mohammed, who woulda thought) and he obviously had no interest in someone else working there since he was looking at some chick play pool the whole time. That and the only thing he heard me say is "Steve Little" since I made reference to him in the back. Hopefully that'll do the trick.

Anyhow, I was drifting down the road slowly with my jack johnson tunes rollin, and I see my cousin at a stoplight reading something and I think to myself "Wait a second, Steve doesn't read that much, I wonder what he's looking at" So the light goes green and I'm thinking maybe its that system cd that may or may not be out already. Maybe its

HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST MOTHER FUCKER SHIT FUCK SEINFELD DVD!! TODAY IS MAY 17!! FUCK I MUST HAVE IT!

So I barrel to the right across 5 lanes through traffic to the light which is about 50 feet in front of my 60 km/h moving jeep and I make a 180 blazing to the nearest dvd store, where I spend money that I don't have to buy this precious season 4 dvd.

Oh so so so very precious. So I'm gonna go make myself a big assed sandwich and park myself in front of the box, knowing selfishly that I am the only guy who is watching it now since nobody else can make an impulse purchase like me.